Tongue and Cheeks

Musings from above a cheeburger cheeburger

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You Need To Be Watching: Banshee

The first half of the 2012/13 season of television has left us decidedly bored. Last Resort was cast off to sea, Do No Harm didn’t have a decent enough Mr. Hyde pun to survive (though Dr. J. Cole does get an honorable mention for effort) and Revolution has the audience constantly questioning how they’re manufacturing so many sabers and why no one seems to be familiar with steam power. A bright beacon of hope was Fox’s mid-season premiere of The Following, a dark, violent horror serial that featured leads whose acting chops have been showcased in such epics as HBO’s Rome and Wild Things (both, incidentally, featured pretty memorable penis shots). However, two episodes in and you’re bathing in so much angst that you may as well put on Nine Inch Nails and color your nails with a black sharpie before fourth period. The series tries so hard to be high-minded that it can’t even be enjoyed ironically. Oh no, for the proper fan of outrageous television, we’re going to take a road trip to a little place called Banshee.

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                     Sex. Drugs. Amish.

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Filed under f banshee

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Television Habits of The Unemployed

As two people that hold liberal arts degrees in such endlessly marketable trades as film and writing, if there’s one thing we can speak about with great authority, it’s unemployment. There are only so many hours in the day one can spend desperately perusing ads for unpaid internships, cold calling potential future ex-employers, and embellishing resumes sure to be laughed at by people actually getting paid. As the weeks and months of the freedom of freelance hit you, you’re going to find yourself hitting the power button on your remote earlier and earlier in the day. When you do, take this as a helpful guide to navigating the afternoon television landscape.

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Filed under Tongue and Cheeks tv time Madea tpir

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Denny’s and Back Again: Examining the new Hobbit themed menu items

By now anyone with their finger on the pulse of chain restaurant/epic film franchise cross promotions has heard about the upcoming partnership between 24-hour breakfast supplier Denny’s and $250 million dollar holiday film release The Hobbit. On the one hand this new friendship between grand slam eggs pioneer and beloved fantasy novel cum film juggernaut may seem strange, but really the two are made for each other. Consider that the characters in the Hobbit series take on a strange and dangerous quest with uncertain endings, and this is the very quest your stomach embarks upon when entering a Denny’s.  Tolkien’s books pioneered the fantasy genre, giving way to new languages and entire worlds. Denny’s put mozzarella sticks in a grilled cheese sandwich. 

             I clicked on Nutritional Info and it was just a guy laughing at me.

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Filed under Here be Dennys food adventures in advertising Tongue and Cheeks

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Checking in with Kevin Corrigan

The last couple of weeks every conversation I’ve had has somehow worked its way back to one thing: the impending election. Frankly, I really don’t care that Clint Eastwood finally went full method and became Walt Kowalski of Gran Turino (a far cry from partnering up with an Orangutan ie Any Which Way But Loose). I also don’t care that the Democratic party spent an entire weekend trying to prove that they love women, Latinos, and most importantly Latino women. It doesn’t interest me. You know what does interest me? The major developments currently going down in the world of Kevin Corrigan.

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Filed under Tongue and Cheeks the twitcher Les Mis TOFOG Mohegan Sun

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The Many Destinies of Haloti Maximus Ngata

There’s a very good chance you have no idea who Haloti Ngata is and that’s fine. Contrary to what your boss/parent/dominator may say, no one needs to know every nose tackle in the NFL (though, you really should be listening to your Dominator). Now, one of us is what you might classify as a clinically obsessed Baltimore Ravens Fan. We’re not going to say which of us it is, but we will say that while Cheeks has been looking for a good sports bar for our first NFL season in Park Slope, Tongue has been scouting out Yoga studios with bay windows where he can ogle women on Sunday afternoons. Regardless, we share a twitter account, and differing priorities aside, we both get a healthy dose of daily Ravens updates.

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                                        Breaking News

And so, it was through this medium we learned that Haloti Ngata, the 345-pound behemoth that covers a healthy chunk of real estate on the Ravens defensive line, had welcomed a son into the world, Haloti Maximus. What wonderful news, and definitely something that (one would hope) be beneath our modest comedy blog. But details arose that in addition to receiving his very cinematic middle name, he also tipped the scales at 10 pounds, 10 ounces.

That is not a child. If it were a tumor it would most definitely be life threatening. If it were a chicken in the grocery store you’d probably go for the smaller bird because you wouldn’t want to be eating chicken leftovers for a month. We don’t understand the intricacies of childbirth, and so everyone that lives above this particular Cheeburger Cheeburger is a little baffled.

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Filed under Tongue and Cheeks Sports (not the Huey Lewis album) Baltimore Ravens D&D

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A Rind Most Foul

What happens when you walk into your local cheese shop and ask them for the most pungent piece of dairy they have in their inventory? You end up with the overpowering olfactory experience that is the Lazy Stinky Square (or, when Brooklynized, “Square-Pants”) from the good people over at Valley Shepherd Creamery.

The Culprit

Having very little experience in dealing with less-savory smelling cheeses, we were excited to bring this new wheel on our annual pilgrimage to Pimlico for the running of the Preakness. Because what could go better with the smell of manue, bottomless beer cups and the sweet sounds of Maroon 5 then an artisinal byproduct of a cow in New Jersey.

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Filed under Tongue and Cheeks food smells valley shepherd creamery cheese

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The Querious Quese of the Albuquerque Turkey: A Tongue and Cheeks Discussion

A Thought From Cheeks:

On my daily walk to the subway I have the wonder of passing not only 30 shoe stores and 3 Radio Shacks, but also a number of fast food chains. While I now take a moment to fully process the enormity of passing a Subway while on the way to the subway, I am also intrigued by Subway’s latest series of advertisements. Moving on beyond the classics Spicy Italian and Teriyaki Chicken, I was stopped dead in my tracks by the banner for Subway’s newest sandwich. America (this is Subway speaking), meet the Albuquerque Turkey. As someone who spends a hearty amount of time in front of a television, I have seen Subway’s latest blitz of commercials advertising the impending “avocado season” in Subway stores (avocados are of course notoriously seasonal, and like ramps or shad roe, they inspire a hysteria when they are in season from March-February). What I failed to fully grasp was the not-care-and -you’ll-miss-it mention of the sandwich the Albuquerque Turkey tagged on to the end of the commercials, and so now here it was plastered on a poster in front of my very eyes.

                                            the suspicious sub

I immediately assumed this was a ridiculous advertising ploy by Subway to come up with a catchy sandwich name, rather than an actual regional specialty of the southwest.

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Filed under Tongue and Cheeks Adventures in Advertising Avocados food Albuquerque